


Emo Hoe Dies of the Sexy

by sapphicmess



Category: Sherlock (TV), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Emo Kylo Ren, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:16:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicmess/pseuds/sapphicmess
Summary: Dedicated to my friend, Katelyn. This is all for you. You made me do this. (This all a joke btw this is obviously satire so don't kill me, thanks)





	Emo Hoe Dies of the Sexy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Theatretrash182](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatretrash182/gifts).



> I apologize to everyone but Katelyn.

You might be wondering why I, Sherlock Holmes would ever care about someone’s death being surrounded by murder crimes everyday. Well, you see the thing is this wasn’t just a regular old casual thursday at five in the afternoon hanging out with John murder crime this was close to the heart. The heart that no one knew I even had. You see, this was the funeral of my dear lover, Kylo Ren. I remember the day we met. He had just murdered twenty people at a Comicon for cosplaying as Han Solo. I remember seeing him all handcuffed as I interrogated him. He looked up at me with those dark soulless murderess eyes.I’ll never forget those eyes. The eyes that I fell in love with. John was with me that way, you know how chill side hoes are always with you but Kylo Ren he wasn’t just any side hoe. He was my side hoe and I loved him. I loved him as much as any side hoe can love a side hoe.

“Did you murder them?” I asked knowing full well that he did because I’m better than everyone and am the smartest man alive right next to Daffy Duck of course.

Kylo Ren shrugged not caring about anything I had to say and turned up the volume in his Ipod 5 turning up the My Chemical Romance. 

“Are you comprehending what I’m saying?” I asked in a condescending way.

Kylo Ren ignored me and began putting black eyeliner on his eyes. It was quite terrible if I have to say so myself. 

“Hey, your make up skills suck.” I told him honestly as John looked like he wanted nothing but the sweet release of death.

Kylo Ren’s face screwed up in disgust. “In comparison to your rodent face?”

“As a great philosopher once said, ‘I’m ugly and I’m proud.’”

Kylo Ren’s face turned into a face of respect. “Spongebob. I gotta respect.”

I looked at the boy and compassion stirred in me. “Any fan of Spongebob is a fan of mine.”

“Whatever.” Said Kylo Ren taking out his black nail polish from his cloak. He began applying the emo polish and the smell of nail polish filled the room. The smell was intoxicating just like the emo boy in front of me. I don’t know what came over me that day I guess it must’ve been the smell of the nail polish that always does smell a bit like poison. Suddenly my face was connected to his and John looked so bored of my crap. 

“Why so bored, peasant? Want to join us?” The emo hoe said.

John looked like he wished he was still in the war. He looked over at my blue kind of eyes. 

I looked over at his grey, spelled with an E because we are British chaps’, eyes and said. “Do whatever you want, John. Tell Mrs. H to go and get herself a man. A tall emo stallion. “

“K.” John says speaking for the first time since we’ve been in this room. 

As soon as John leaves is where things get interesting. 

“We’re alone now.” Says Kylo.

“Duh, Captain Obvious.” I tell him.

“Don’t talk to me like that. I killed a man you know, he was my father.”

“Why the bloody hell would you literally admit that you murdered someone in front of Britain’s best detective?” 

“Because,” Kylo began seductively. “Your hotness, yes that rodent face, will kill me with the sexy.”

Kylo stayed there handcuffed because I never unhandcuffed him and looked up at me with pleading begging eyes. 

I ripped off my shirt like a way less hot Taylor Lautner.

Kylo Ren then collapsed. I felt his pulse. It was no longer beating. He was dead. He really did die of my sexy.

“Lol that’s hot.” I said out loud as my dead side hoe was face planted on the table.

 

I remembered that day as I placed a single black rose, the color of Kylo’s emo af soul, on his tombstone.

I would never forget that emo disgrace that was my side hoe. At least I still have John.

 

The End.


End file.
